One of the key elements of effective coaching is the ability to ask questions. It really is a skill that needs developing and it’s definitely a brain train to focus on questions as opposed to responses. But with practice, its one that I’m finding is getting easier and easier. The real value of this skill became glaringly obvious to me when I experienced coaching for myself. During one particular session with a coach, I actually felt ‘left out’ of my own coaching session! I got told a lot about my coach’s intuition and how they worked and what their intuition was for my situation…. which didn’t even resonate with me anyway! But it was experiencing that feeling of being ‘told’ and being ‘talked at’ that really hammered home the knowing, that there is a difference between coaching and Effective coaching! And one of the key distinctions between a coach and an effective coach, is being able to ask questions.
So how am I faring with this new skill to develop, well it does need developing and nurturing, and practice is the only way forward. Certain sessions feel easier to be in the question and there is a distinct balance between sharing information, tools and knowledge and allowing the answer to show up organically for the client. At times it feels easier to just fall into explaining something, rather than really stretch myself by asking a question. but often if I “stretch’ to a question it can come out jumbled and not really cohesive, whereas when a question comes naturally to me, I speak concisely and easily and I’m understood! And that to me is where intuition comes in.
I am a very intuitive person and I love working with intuition rather than logic, however I know we all have a right to experience the power of our own intuition. I am not coaching to intuit an ‘answer’ for someone, since even the most profound intuition comes through the filter of my personal perception, so in essence my intuition can never really be 100% on target for someone else. But when I allow that inner guidance to reveal questions to me, then that is what will lead the client to their own powerful insights. Which is ultimately so much more than anything I could intuit, even if I was speaking the voice of God! We all know that the greatest teacher of all is experience and when you experience your own realisation, the energetic shift that occurs with that is a thousand times more powerful than when someone explains something to you. Even if you mentally get-it or see the relevance of it… it’s actually the embodiment of the realisation that brings with it the big aha and shift in our life. And that happens when it is stimulated from within… and questions are a brilliant way to facilitate this for another person. The question can reveal an answer we didn’t know was there, it can let us know what is really important to us, it can change our perception of something, it can open us up to a different possibility for our life.
But we have to be willing to consider the question and more importantly hear the answer.
I recently had a client tell me my questions were ‘painfull’!! It was pretty funny really, I explained the questions weren’t for me they were for her and she realised that what was behind that statement was her own reflection of how she related to pondering questions about her life and really hearing her passions and desires speak to her. (and perhaps a reflection of my own insecurity around my ability to ask relevant questions… but that’s probably another post!) After that session she felt great. And then she cancelled her next one!
So if you are wondering what you can expect from a coaching session that’s it…. a digging session fueled by questions and tools and techniques. What are we digging for? Inspiration, priorities, values, ideas, action steps, connection, motivation, clarity….. all of those things that bring a sense of fulfillment and purpose to your life. So if you are ready to really consider a question such as ‘What is it about your business that fuels your passion?” then get ready to hear the answer! With that answer you will unleash the power of your own clarity and once heard its impossible to ignore!!