I’ve got an interesting relationship with community. It’s never really sat with me. It has often felt like a ‘buzz term’ with no real substance behind it. Or too much substance in terms of co-dependency.
I should start this by saying I’m a loner at heart. Yes, I love being by myself. totally love it, always have. I never really considered why this was, I always just accepted it as part of my nature.
However, in recent years as I have awoken to my true self, I’ve realised it’s partly because I’m a highly intuitive energetic reader. I read the field subconsciously and I pick it up in my body. At least that’s what used to happen. Now I read and observe it without feeling the need to take it on and attempt to transmute or transform it so that I can feel better!
But back before I realised what was going on, I would personalise all of it! The whole ‘the world is a reflection of you’ really had me in its grasp on this one. One of those helpful up to a point, spiritual teachings that gets gospelised and eventually becomes unhelpful not to mention unhealthy.
So anyhow, I’ve often been in communities and felt off, icky, not 100%. Of course, I always blamed myself. My own shit about not fitting in, yada, yada, yada. True, to a point. Though eventually this became a mind-fuck for me as I continually questioned myself wondering ‘wow, how long is it going to take for me to clear that one?!’
See? Unhealthy & unhelpful loop keeping me caught in an energy pattern that I could easily realise once I decided to.
However, I still would feel off, icky, not 100% in some community settings.
And I realised, wow, it’s not me! It’s the dynamic of the group!!
What a liberation! Now I will say here it wasn’t an overly judgy realisation. Maybe a bit judgy, ok… I’m still human!
It was mostly relief on my part. That I could let go of the stories I felt were following me around like a bad smell. And instead accept the ninja intuitive & energy skills I had. These skills that I was mistaking for a ‘story’ I had to release, when in fact they are magic gifts that let me see beyond the surface of reality into the energetic structure of what is occurring.
Which brings me to what I was reading in the field of energy all those times I attempted to fit into a community, because ‘it’s the thing to do’.
Again, I will preface this with – not judging, merely observing and recognising that I too have played these energetic games.
Firstly, I would usually feel ego. Very solid & rigid ego structures, unwilling to relinquish control over how they were perceived by others as well as a firm attachment to being right about their chosen teaching/path/teachers. (again, I too have been that person!) But this would surprise me, because aren’t spiritual groups meant to be free of massive ego’s?!
Interestingly I found the biggest ego’s in spiritual groups, and for a while, mine certainly got inflated when I first discovered my path. So yes, big egos are a thing, a real thing in spiritual communities.
Of course, our egos are here to be loved, and ultimately integrated into the full spectrum of our true self, which includes the identity we chose to incarnate into in this life-time. But until such time as we realise our ego was merely replaced with a spiritual ego, then we function in the same ‘separated’ energy pattern.
And a separated energy pattern, i.e. one that is not yet integrated with your heart field and higher mind, displays itself as righteous, dependant on agreement, needy of validation, fear of being wrong and many other qualities we all at times possess when we feel separated from the love that we are.
So, I could usually feel all these ego’s bumping up against each other, jostling for validation, agreement and the most righteous and evolved perspective (mine included!).
The other thing I could feel was exclusivity. And this is the one I have the biggest beef with.
The click that subtly says, you’re not part of the group. That with body language says, we’re this and you’re not this yet.
Which of course stems from ego structures clinging together more tightly in the face of newness. The newness almost providing that witness of how right and evolved and cool a group could be. Which is all good!! It really is!
Except if it’s excluding, and except if you can feel the repercussions from the excludees!
As a naturally empathic person I instinctively rush to include others. Make them welcome. Offer them a sincere and genuine, eye to eye, heart to heart ‘Hello’.
Not because I’m holier than thou. No! A much more selfish reason actually. Because I can feel those repercussions… their discomfort, nervousness, uncertainty, desire to be welcomed, desire to find somewhere that IS what it said on the box!
And so, I do what I know how to do to make them feel as welcomed and at ease as possible. So that I don’t have to feel THEIR discomfort! At least that’s why I used to do it.
Now however, I do it because I simply want to. I want them to feel welcome, at ease and part of something even if they’ve just joined.
Because inclusivity is the way of our own integration. Our own path through awakening into enlightenment calls for continual inclusivity of all aspects of self.
And to me community, first and foremost begins with comm-union with oneself. To allow your own rigid ego structure to break enough to allow yourself to feel the totally of all of who you are, including the parts you’ve long excluded. So that you can come into sacred communion and community with all of your SELVES who make up your one true SELF.
Can you love & accept and include that much of yourself into who you are?
This is the community & communion that I have primarily been involved with for the last few years. And trust me, it was often a harsher environment, if less subtle, in its exclusion!
And now, well now… I still have days where the chaos of exclusivity rules the day, rules the community and some part of me jostles for their place in the ‘most right’ position.
And then I remember, I remember what comes instinctively to all of us when we are not consumed in our own outward appearance to others. I remember that we love welcoming others, into the fold of a heartfelt embrace, eye to eye, heart to heart “Hello”.
That’s my daily ongoing practice with me. To welcome & include all of me. And now I feel healthily equipped to offer it to others.
I welcome you into community. Not MY community, though I do invite you to be alongside me as much as you chose & feel aligned to. But to a community of inclusion. That firstly starts with you. In the sanctity of your own life, in the quiet of your own moments, in the joy of your own being. The inclusivity of your own community of SELF.
And secondly HERE. Where ever HERE may be in any moment. Inclusivity. Community in the HERE & NOW with others.
I bet you find once you’ve mastered the first one, the second one becomes a deeper, more authentic, more fulfilling experience. Regardless of the who of the community.
Because wholistic integrated souls coming together in joyous union is the next phase of expansion of community.
We can’t take our journey any further if we are waiting for others to agree with us, fill us up & validate us. Don’t let a pedestalised notion of external community overshadow the only community you will ever have the privilege to know as intimately as YourSELF.
Likewise the solitude of inner community can overshadow the joy of communion & collaboration with others.
Whichever your path…. what’s the next expansion of inclusivity?!
And if any of what I just wrote, has stirred up a response, be it in agreement or disagreement, I welcome your viewpoint. I honour it. I invite you to share it. And I say to you, eye to eye, heart to heart ‘Welcome & Hello’. We don’t have to agree for us to have a moment in community & communion of seeing each other just as we are.
In eternal communion with the truth of ALL that we are, inclusive of that which we are in this earthly realm, all my love,