Today is my birthday. And when I woke up this morning all I could think about was how privileged I feel to be me. I feel so blessed to be on this journey and discovering and accepting the truth of who I am. When you know who you are, then you realise what a privilege it is to get to experience being who you are!!
It’s such a monumental shift from who I once was. Although at the same time, this IS who I have always been. But we forget. So that we can remember. Because it’s more fun that way, right?
Today I was remembering just how much I forgot as I remembered my 28th birthday.
I remember getting up early and going for a run in the forest. Back when I used to run, when I lived somewhere flat! Around that time I was into Tony Robbins, personal development and the Law of Attraction. I was enamored with the whole thing. It was like finding a treasure trove of amazing and wonderous jewels to play with.
And play with them I did. I set goals… crazy un-realistic goals… some of them I even willed into life out of sheer stubbornness and determination. I pushed through… I had ‘get up & go’, I went so far outside my comfort zone I couldn’t even see the line anymore. I was changing at a rapid pace and it was fun and exhilarating and eye-opening.
And on that morning run, I was deep in the high of that period of my life. I set another bold and ‘crazy un-realistic goal’ – to be a millionaire by the time I was 30. Not that being a millionaire is a crazy un-realistic goal, but with a flailing business (2 flailing businesses actually!) and no real passion for either of them then creating myself as a millionaire in two years was pretty unrealistic.
Ah but I didn’t care. I had the passion. Or so I thought. I had the drive, the inspiration. I could think my way there. I was determined and committed. A millionaire I would be.
Honestly, I just now felt so much joy & love for that me. She was pretty cool. Quite lost really, but ignorant to the fact. And while I could pump myself up as much as I wanted to on my runs with the incantations, and goals and all of that really great stuff… I couldn’t hide from the fact that I didn’t know who the fuck I was underneath it all.
I was amping up and building up, like a skyscraper with really unstable foundations. Because there was no foundation to that goal, other than I wanted it because it’s a thing. To be a millionaire, it’s a thing. But what does it really mean?
To me it meant success, and success meant proving myself. Proving myself to the world, the people around me who mocked me and doubted me. Oh I wanted to show them all. Partly because I wanted to ‘show them’ and partly because I wanted to show them… look, look what’s possible!!
I also had an element the reverse brain-wash going on.
You know it’s funny, we are all brain-washed from a very young age into limitation and distraction. And then if we venture to colour outside the lines, into a different way of seeing the world… we often get brain-washed again. A more expanded brain-wash to be sure! But still a brain-wash, in that we don’t really think & feel & sense for ourselves. We still rely on the teachers & illuminators to tell us. And we believe them to a tee.
Which is another sort of limitation don’t you think?!
Anyway, cool me was on a new found expanded (but still limited!) mission. Convinced she need to ‘think big’ and have ‘unrealistic dreams’. And I did need to have those things, just not in the way I thought I did. So, I wasn’t privy to all the details of the mission. Yay for ignorance!! And how wonderful to imagine I could be writing something similar in another 8 years!
I mean how could I have known that when I thought ‘think big’ meant a million dollars, it actually meant allow yourself open up to access the library of consciousness and be a divine de-coder of sacred information about the nature of the universe?
How could I have known that have an ‘unrealistic dream’ could mean allow yourself to know who you are so that you can be a leader of a new wave of consciousness?
How could I have known that ‘get out of your comfort zone’ would mean trust your intuition and claim your role as an intuitive reader of soul brilliance?!
I could never have known any of that. I wouldn’t have wanted to.
Over the last 8 years since that lofty million goal was set I’ve discovered so much more than I could have ever dreamed possible. And these soul discoveries… honestly… they feel even more lofty – I mean wtf I am even talking about half the time?!!
But I feel high again. Almost as though I have circled back around to her. To the one who was full of life, possibility & potential. Except now I have something she didn’t have, something she had to figure out, something she had to detour to retrieve.
ME. Myself. I.
28 yr old me thought the million would be her stake in the ground of what it means to be fulfilled, living a life on purpose & living the dream.
Thankfully her commitment to the essence of those things detoured past this notion of money & success being the thing to pursue. (although I’ll still be creating it – just not as the main dish!)
And led me straight (not really that straight!) to ME.
There is something so much more valuable than any big goal you can set and work towards.
And that is knowing who you are.
Because you can want something and want something, and even when you get that something it will never fill you up. I bet you know that already.
What you really want is to BE someone.
Who do you think that someone is?
Of course, it’s you.
But if you, like 28 year old me, don’t know who the fuck you are… then what do you do?
Shoot for a million!
You just might hit the jackpot & find YOU along the way!!
PS>>> I feel so privileged to be here with those of you who choose to read my words & receive my energy. Thank you. I am in divine support of you & your ability to BE YOU beyond your wildest dreams, because trust me… YOU ARE beyond your wildest dreams!!